Non PC

Best part about drinking in Key West? You are never the drunkest person in the room.

Sadly, a destitute young couple reluctantly decided that, perhaps, the only way left for them to obtain the merest necessities for life was to have the wife - a rather stunning, shapely blonde - temporarily engage in the world's oldest profession. With tears in their eyes, the young wife departed for town on her first night. Hours later, the wife returned, nearly bursting through the door with newfound exuberance, shouting, "Look! Look!" while waving a very large number of bills about her. "How much did you earn?" asked the husband. "$1,250.25!" the wife exclaimed in uttermost joy. "That's wonderful!" the now happy husband retorted. "Out of curiosity, though, who was the cheap SOB that gave you the quarter?" With a slightly puzzled look, the wife responded, "Why, they all did!

Went to a Muslim birthday party the other day. It was great fun, we blew up a bouncy castle and then had a really intense game of pass the parcel.

A Saudi prince recently requested that naked statues be covered up while visiting Rome. Apparently his 9 year old wife found them offensive.

They used to say ‘An apple a day keeps the doctor away’ but now most of the doctors are Muslim I find bacon works better.

Can’t believe how much criticism Muslims get nowadays. I think before you criticize them you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way if they get angry you’ll be a mile away and they won’t have any shoes.

Why do Muslim women hate wearing tight trousers? Because it makes their bomb look big.

What do you call an angry Muslim? Amin AbadMood

A sex therapist is travelling through the Middle East getting data on goat-sex.First he visits Mahmud, an Iraqi goat herder on the outskirts of Baghdad. “Tell me” he says, “What method do you use for goat sex?” Mahmud replies, “Well I trap her head in a fig bush then attack from behind.” Next, the therapist goes to Egypt and visits Amar who works on the banks of the Nile, and asks him the same question. “Well” says Amar, "I push her into the mud and when her back legs are stuck strong I grab her from behind and give it to her real good.” Finally he Visits Abdul in the Gaza strip and again asks the same question. Abdul answers, “”I stick her left front leg over my right shoulder and her right front leg over my left shoulder and as she stands on her back legs facing me …” “Hold on.” interrupts the researcher, “this is unusual.” “Unusual?” asks Abdul, “In what way?” “Well,” says the researcher, “all the other Arabs take the goat from behind but none of them face it.” “What”! exclaims Abdul, “No kissing?”

Q: What do you call a Muslim woman on birth-control? A: Making the world safer.

70% of Palestinian males say they enjoy sex in the shower. The other 30% haven’t been to prison yet.

Ahmed’s wife, unhappy with his mood swings, bought him one of those mood rings so she could monitor his mood. She discovered that when Ahmed is in a good mood, it turns green and, when he’s in a bad mood, it leaves a big f*cking red mark on her forehead.

A news reporter goes to see a Jewish man who has been going to the western wall in Israel to pray once a day for 70 years, the reporter goes up to him and says, “hello I’m a reporter for the BBC and we know you’re quite famous around this wall so we were wondering if we could ask you a few questions.” The man agrees and she asks, “so we were wondering; what have you actually been praying for all of these years?” The man replies, “I have been praying for peace between the Jews and Arabs and for all world hatred and terrorism to stop, and for my children and grandchildren to grown up in a peaceful world.” The news reporter says, “Wow that’s truly beautiful, how do you feel after doing this for 70 years?” The man replies, “I feel like I’ve been talking to a fucking brick wall.”

You heard about the Islamic version of the Three Little Pigs? There were three little pigs, brothers all, who decided to build their own homes. The first little pig was a lazy little s$%t and wanted to spend all of his time playing Pokemon Go so he built his little house out of straw. The second little pig had spent most of his money gambling his money away in Las Vegas so he only had enough money to build a small, one-bedroom, one-bath cottage from wood. The third little pig was hard working and saved him money wisely by investing in high return stocks and using off-shore banks to prevent the government from taking most of his wealth. He decided to build a six-story reinforced steel and concrete home for himself. One day, Abdul Malik the Wolf, decided that these little pigs needed to convert to Islam or they should die. He visited the first house, beat on the door, and demanded the little pig inside convert immediatlely. The little pig cried and cried but refused and Abdul Malik the Wolf huffed and he puffed and he blew the straw house down. The little pig narrowly escaped and ran to his brother's house. Abdul Malik the Wolf followed him and demanded that the two brothers convert or die! The two little pigs cried and cried but, again, refused to convert. Abdul Malik the Wolf was furious. He huffed and he puffed and he blew the wodded house down! The two little pigs wisely departed out the back of the house as Abdul Malik the Wolf was blowing the house. They ran to their brother's home and took refuge. Abdul Malik the Wolf again followed the pigs and came to the last brother's house. He demanded they convert or he would kill them all. Naturally, the three little pigs were very confident in the oldest brother's building skills and laughed and called Abdul Malik the Wolf all sort of names that triggered microagressions. So, he huffed and he puffed and ... nothing happened. The house was built extremely well and would not be blown down easily. Then, Abdul Malik the Wolf hijacked a plane and crashed it into the house, killing all the little pigs inside.

How many Muslims does it take to change a light bulb? None. They prefer to stay in the dark and blame the Jews.

Q: What do Muslim men do during foreplay? A: Tickle the goat under the chin.

Q: What's the difference between a Muslim and a vampire? A: At some point the vampire will stop being bloodthirsty.

Q: How do you play Taliban bingo? A: B-52...F-16...B-1...

Q: What do you call a drunken Muslim? A: Mohammered.

Q: What do you call a Muslim on a toilet? A: Islamic Relief.

Q: What do you call a Muslim shrink? A: A terrorpist.

Q: What do you call a Muslim alcoholic? A: Allah Vabeer

Q: Did you hear about the Muslim party? A: It was a blast.

Q: Why don't they teach Driver's Ed and sex education on the same day in the Middle East? A: They don't want to wear out the camel.

Q: What is the difference between a Protestant woman and a Muslim woman? A: Protestant woman get stoned before they commit adultery.

I once went to a strip club in Abu Dhabi and got thrown out after saying: "Show us your face!"

Arab scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the middle ages. They’re calling it ‘Islam’.

An Englishman, Frenchman, American and a Saudi on a plane going to the U.N. in New York when all of a sudden there’s engine trouble! The pilot says over the P.A. system that there’s only one parachute onboard. The Englishman, ever the gentleman steps up, opens the door, shouts “GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!” And jumps. The Frenchman, always the effin copycat steps up, goes to the door and shouts “VIVE LA FRANCE” and jumps into the abyss. The yank then steps up, looks out the door at the two bodies gathering speed toward the ground, takes a step back then shouts “REMEMBER 9/11” and throws the Arab out the door!

A young Arab asks his father “What is this weird hat that we are wearing?” “Why, it’s a ‘chechia’ because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun,” says the father. Then asks the son “And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?” The father is obliged to reply: “It’s a ‘djbellah’ because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body!” The boy gets even more curious: “And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet?” Again the father lovingly explains: “These are ‘babouches,’ which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert!” Finally the son says, “Tell me Abba?” “Yes my son?” “Why the f*ck are we living in Detroit and still wearing all this shit?”

A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll. The guy behind the counter says, “Male or female?” The customer says, “Female” The counter guy asks, “Black or white?” The customer says, “White” The counter guy asks, “Christian or Muslim?” The customer says, “What the hell does religion have to do with it?” The counter guy says, “The Muslim one blows itself up!”

Q. What do you call a Muslim who owns a camel and a goat? A. Bisexual.

Q. How do Muslims practice safe sex? A. They mark the camels that kick.

Q. What do Tehran and Hiroshima have in common? A. Nothing, yet.

Q. What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? A. A pimp.

Q: What’s the difference between Dar al-islam and Dannon yogurt? A: The yogurt has a living culture.

A professor at Ohio State University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies . To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?” About 90 students raise their hands. “Well, that’s a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?” About 40 students raise their hands. “That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?” About 15 students raise their hand. “Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?” Three students raise their hands. “That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further…Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?” Way in the back, Hamad raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses and says, “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.” The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, “So, Hamad , tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?” Hamad replied, “Shit, from way back there I thought you were talking about goats.”

A Muslim woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

Pakistan launches a rocket onto Moon. News on Pakistani news channel, “Water and fishes found on Moon”. News on BBC,”Pakistani satellite found in Arabian Sea”.

Q: How do you tell a Sunni from a Shiite? A: The Sunnis are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them.

Q: What's the hardest part about a Muslim killing his own daughter? A: Suppressing the erection.

Q: How can you tell if a Muslim girl is old enough to marry? A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top, she's old enough. If it isn't, cut the barrel down until her chin is over the top.

Q: Why is there so much food at a Muslim wedding? A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: Whats the difference between a pile of dead Muslims and a pile of rocks? A: You can’t move a pile of rocks with a pitch fork.

Many of my readers may not know, but natural disasters were responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Muslims last year. And more importantly, my wife chipped a fingernail this morning.

Q: Wanna hear a joke? A: Muslim Women’s Rights.

In the recent earthquake in Pakistan rescuers recovered 10,000 bodies and tomorrow they are going into the second house.

Q: In an apartment building in London, Ahmed lives on the first floor, Mustafa on the second floor and Harry on the third floor. The building explodes – who lives? A: Harry of course – he was at work.

Q: A Pakistani, a Turk, and a Moroccan are riding through Germany – who’s driving? A: A police officer.