| Home * Genealogy * Texas History * Funny Stuff * Today is Wednesday, April 09, 2025. |
Teacher: Why are you late? Student: Class started before I got here. |
Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? Little Johnny: You told me to do it without using tables. |
Teacher: Little Johnnyn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' Little Johnny: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' Teacher: No, that's wrong. Little Johnny: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. |
Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? Little Johnny: H I J K L M N O. Teacher: What are you talking about? Little Johnny: Yesterday you said it's H to O. |
Teacher: Little Johhny, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. Little Johnny: Me! |
Teacher: Little Johnny, why do you always get so dirty? Little Johnny: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. |
Teacher: Little Johnny, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' Little Johnny: I is.. Teacher: No, Little Johnny. Always say, 'I am.' Little Johnny: All right. 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' |
Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Little Johnny, do you know why his father didn't punish him? Little Johnny: Because George still had the axe in his hand. |
Teacher: Now, Little Johnny, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? Little Johnny: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook. |
Teacher: Little Johnny, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? Litte Johhn : No, sir. It's the same dog. |
Teacher: Little Johhny, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? Little Johnny: A teacher. |
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Harold stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Harold?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!' Harold watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter, asked Harold 'Giving up?' The math teacher saw that Harold wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Harold! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Harold quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!' Harold's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Harold asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? " Little Harold attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Harold asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Harold, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ....' |
The teacher was asking her students what they wanted to be when they grow up. It was Little Johnny's turn. Johnny replies, "I wanna be a billionaire, and go to expensive clubs. Find a bitch there, buy her a million dollar apartment in Vegas. Get her a Ferrari. Buy her a beach house in Miami, a private jet, get her expensive jewelry, and have sex with her 3 times a day." The teacher was at a loss for words and didn't know what to do, so she just proceeded along and asked Little Susie what she wanted to be. Susie replied: "Johnny's bitch!! |
The first day of school, the teacher was getting to know the students. She came to a little girl and asked, "Hi. What's your name?" The little girl smiled and said, "My name is Happy Butt!" Stunned, the teacher thought for a moment and asked her again. "My name is Happy Butt!" she replied. The teacher said, "Honey, I don't think that's your name. You need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out." So she went to the principal's office and he asked, "What's your name?" The little girl said, "Happy Butt!" The principal called the girl's mother to get this straightened out once and for all. After getting off the phone, he looked at the little girl and said, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt." The girl then exclaimed, "Glad Ass, Happy Butt, what's the difference?" |